The road less travelled

Why women hate men

They see men as appliances, and an appliance with an ego is just irritating. Like Talkie Toaster in Red Dwarf.

July 19th, 2007 | feminism, humour | no comments

Why women don’t know themselves

Because they’re in love with themselves, and love is blind.

May 30th, 2007 | feminism, humour | no comments

Women and quantum mechanics

After downing the necessary quantity of ethanol I had the following epiphany concerning women. They’re quantum-mechanical in nature! Really, check with me:

• A woman can change her opinion anytime on any subject. Even when it should be impossible. Quantum equivalent: Tunneling, a process whereby a particle crosses an energy barrier that it should not be able to cross according to straight, classical mechanics. One moment it is to the left of the barrier, the other to the right, for no apparent reason.
• All women have the monopoly on the truth. But, as mere man, you never know beforehand what that truth is. To make matters worse, all women have different truths. Quantum equivalent: An electron cloud. You only know the position of an electron if you measure it, before that its position (truth) is undefined. All electrons may have different positions (truths), so knowing one electron’s position doesn’t tell you anything about other electron’s positions.
• Once a woman gets a hold of you, she never really lets go. She also has the spooky ability to sense when you cheat, which tends to dissolve the relationship. Quantum equivalent: Entanglement, the intertwining of the fate of two particles, no matter how distant, because they were once connected. Einstein called it ’spooky action at a distance’. Until one of those particles meets a third particle, which breaks the entanglement.
• Women always stick together against men. Quantum equivalent: Bose-Einstein condensation, in which a bunch of atoms start to behave as one big atom.
• No two women want to be seen wearing the same outfit. Quantum equivalent: The Pauli exclusion principle, the fact that no two fermions can occupy the same quantum state at the same moment.

I could go on, but the mind boggles. I’ve long since given up on trying to understand quantum mechanics, it just gave me a headache, like trying to understand time travel. These days, I take a more utilitarian approach, just using the formulas to reach the correct answer. Maybe I should start applying the same method to women, so as to get better results with them than up to now…

April 25th, 2007 | humour | no comments

Here’s to you, President Bush

Found this little gem floating around on the Internet. Seems to describe President Bush to a tee…

You befouled, vitiated poltroon. You blighted, malodorous, mephitic recreant. You are a festering boil on the ass of all humanity. You have all the backbone of a jellyfish. You moribific, feculent simpleton. Would that I could change my species, just so that I might not be associated with you. The stupendous, confounding magnitude of your insipidness astonishes me.

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March 15th, 2007 | politics, humour | one comment

Fiets

And now for something completely different:

Mavo-humor: Een fiets op het dak gooien

Havo-humor: Dreigen een fiets op het dak te gooien

Vwo-humor: Berekenen hoe een fiets het best op een dak gegooid kan worden.

Vbo-humor: Een fiets op het dak gooien en de bezitter ook.

Gymnasium-humor: kijken welke valversnelling een fiets heeft wanneer hij op het dak gegooid wordt.

F-side humor: Het dak op een fiets gooien.

Kleuterhumor: Een driewieler op het dak gooien.

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December 10th, 2006 | humour | no comments