Women and quantum mechanics
After downing the necessary quantity of ethanol I had the following epiphany concerning women. They’re quantum-mechanical in nature! Really, check with me:
- A woman can change her opinion anytime on any subject. Even when it should be impossible. Quantum equivalent: Tunneling, a process whereby a particle crosses an energy barrier that it should not be able to cross according to straight, classical mechanics. One moment it is to the left of the barrier, the other to the right, for no apparent reason.
- All women have the monopoly on the truth. But, as mere man, you never know beforehand what that truth is. To make matters worse, all women have different truths. Quantum equivalent: An electron cloud. You only know the position of an electron if you measure it, before that its position (truth) is undefined. All electrons may have different positions (truths), so knowing one electron’s position doesn’t tell you anything about other electron’s positions.
- Once a woman gets a hold of you, she never really lets go. She also has the spooky ability to sense when you cheat, which tends to dissolve the relationship. Quantum equivalent: Entanglement, the intertwining of the fate of two particles, no matter how distant, because they were once connected. Einstein called it ’spooky action at a distance’. Until one of those particles meets a third particle, which breaks the entanglement.
- Women always stick together against men. Quantum equivalent: Bose-Einstein condensation, in which a bunch of atoms start to behave as one big atom.
- No two women want to be seen wearing the same outfit. Quantum equivalent: The Pauli exclusion principle, the fact that no two fermions can occupy the same quantum state at the same moment.
I could go on, but the mind boggles. I’ve long since given up on trying to understand quantum mechanics, it just gave me a headache, like trying to understand time travel. These days, I take a more utilitarian approach, just using the formulas to reach the correct answer. Maybe I should start applying the same method to women, so as to get better results with them than up to now…